According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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