We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
