OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
