just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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