my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
