so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
