She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
