i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
