I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
