Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i out mim tonsoeep
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