he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
