we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
