Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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