I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
