so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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