Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
