is your mom at the bar?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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