Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
