I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
