It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
