As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
