You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
