I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
