Sry I called you an 8
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
