I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
