How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
