Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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