college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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