I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i may or may not be watching the land before time
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
