i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
