She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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