i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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