i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am spending my child support on dildos
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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