You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
