You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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