Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
