she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
