And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
