I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
