Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
