all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize