come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
