It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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