Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
