Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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