Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's JV to your varsity
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
