Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
