With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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