I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
