My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
