hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
