Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
