in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
