Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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