I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
