At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
