Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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