What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
