I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
