i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
