i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
