im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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