I want to have your abortion
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize