So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
