Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
