i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
