Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
