Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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