I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
