If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
