I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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