I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
