How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
God, I missed his penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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