So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
