Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
