Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said her name was "party"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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